Truly Love

In honor of the month of February and Valentine's Day, I decided to post some thoughts on love that have come to life as examples of what it means to TRULY love. 


First: From "The Great Divorce" by C. S. Lewis
"While we spoke the Lady was steadily advancing towards us, but it was not at us she looked. Following the direction of her eyes, I turned and saw an oddly-shaped phantom approaching. Or rather two phantoms: a great tall Ghost, horribly thin and shaky, who seemed to be leading on a chain another Ghost no bigger than an organ-grinder's monkey. The taller Ghost wore a soft, black hat, and he reminded me of something that my memory could not quite recover. Then, when he had come within a few feet of the Lady he spread out his lean shaky hand flat on his chest with the fingers wide apart, and exclaimed in a hollow voice, 'At last!'...
'Darling! At last!' said the Lady....looking solely at the dwarf Ghost...Love shone not from her face only, but from all her limbs, as if it were some liquid in which she had just been bathing. Then, to my dismay, she came nearer. She stooped down and kissed the Dwarf....
'There, there,' said the Tragedian....'It's not myself I'm thinking about. It is you. That is what has been continually on my mind--all these years. The thought of you--you here alone, breaking your heart about me.'....
'Darling,' said the Lady to the dwarf, 'There's nothing to face. You don't want me to have been miserable for misery's sake. You only think I must have been if I loved you. But if you'll only wait you'll see that isn't so.'
 'Love!' said the Tragedian striking his forehead with his hand: then, a few notes deeper, 'Love! Do you know the meaning of the word?' 
'How should I not?' said the Lady. 'I am in love. IN love, do you understand? Yes, now I love truly.' 
'You mean,' said the Tragedian, 'You mean--you did not love me truly in the old days?' 
'Only in a poor sort of way,' she answered. 'I have asked you to forgive me. There was a little real love in it. But what we called love down there was mostly the craving to be loved. In the main I loved you for my own sake: because I needed you.'
'And now!' said the Tragedian with a hackneyed gesture of despair. 'Now, you need me no more?'
'But of course not!....What needs could I have,' she said, 'Now that I have all? I am full now, not empty. I am in Love Himself, not lonely. Strong, not weak. You shall be the same. Come and see. We shall have no NEED for one another now: we can begin to love truly.'....
'You who can be happy without me, forgetting me! You don't want even to hear of my sufferings.'
'Quick, there is still time. Stop it. Stop it at once.'
'Stop what?'
'Using pity, other people's pity, in the wrong way. We have all done it a bit on earth, you know. Pity was meant to be a spur that drives joy to help misery. But it can be used the wrong way round. It can be used for a kind of blackmailing. Those who choose misery can hold joy up to ransom, by pity. You see, I know now. Even as a child you did it....Did you think joy was created to live always under that threat? Always defenseless against those who would rather be miserable than have their self-will crossed? For it was really misery. I know that now. You made yourself really wretched. That you can still do. But you can no longer communicate your wretchedness. Everything becomes more and more itself. Here is joy that cannot be shaken. Our light can swallow up your darkness: but your darkness cannot now infect our light. No, no,no. Come to us. We will not go to you. Can  you really have thought that love and joy would always be at the mercy of frowns and sighs? Did you now know they were stronger than their opposites? I am in Love, and out of it I will not go.'"


Second: I Corinthians 13: The Love Chapter in layman's terms
"Love runs a marathon with blistered heels just to keep you company. Love won't take a break until you have what you need. Love doesn't get grumpy when you win the lottery, but refuse to share a penny. Love doesn't act like you're a stranger just because you're not at your best. Love, though perfect, isn't full of itself. Love doesn't push its way into places where it's not invited. Love never takes cuts in front of anyone. Love doesn't freak when you make a mistake. Love doesn't keep track of every single time you blow it. Love doesn't laugh when a jerk falls on his face. Love doesn't make the story bigger than it really was. Love keeps on running the marathon until it reaches the finish line. Love doesn't feel bad about what happened yesterday. Love sees the good in you even when you feel like a loser. Love can be spat upon, beaten, and murdered and still keep on loving. 

Don't Say a Word

Why is it 2:15 in the morning and I am blogging? because i need to do something. anything. I've never felt more convicted and wretched in my entire life- to the point of nausea and loss of breath. and i need desperately to make sense of it all. to understand fully what I've done to my Lord. and if this does not convict you, there is something truly wrong that you need to get on your knees and pray that the Lord reveals to you the depth of what i have found. and don't get me wrong- i am no where close to understanding this all. it in fact picked me up and slammed me hard on the cold floor of truth and i am still reeling and disoriented from the impact. all i can say is "Father, forgive me, for I know now what I've done".
i feel like the children of Israel. As we all know a very popular phrase in the Old Testament is "and the children of Israel did evil AGAIN in the sight of the Lord." maybe we should change it though.."[Sarah Elisabeth Kufel] did evil AGAIN in the sight of the Lord". I have offered up strange fire to my God. I have made countless excuses and changed the lines of right and wrong in my mind to whatever i wanted it to be at the time. My spiritual backbone dissolved quite a while ago and i have been holding it up with my own two hands so much so that i've tied them down so they cannot worship my Savior. To quote Jesse Lacey of Brand New "I've seen more spine in jellyfish, I've seen more guts in eleven year old kids." I have not stood for what is right but for only what did not cost too much sacrifice out of me to stand for. It was so easy for me to do wrong and then convince myself either a) it wasn't wrong in the first place or b) that the Lord forgave me. Now let me elaborate: I am not saying He did not forgive me, for He is a forgiving God no matter the magnitude or quantity of sin. The problem was not that I cannot accept God's forgiveness but rather that I have taken it for granted. That i have made excuses to Him and treated His forgiveness, and love, and peace as things that i was supposed to receive with no sacrifice on my part.
What kind of relationship is that? To have a relationship is a two-way street, a multitude of give and take. Yet all I do is take, take, and take some more. I do not "change"- i just cover up my sin and change my definitions of right and wrong. And right here, right now, in my hour of conviction I can hear the Lord whispering in my ear: "Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my altar! I am not pleased with you, says the LORD Almighty, and I will accept no offering from your hands" (Malachi 1:10 NIV).
I am not going to end this by telling you how I am going to change or what I am going to do from here because I refuse to let any more empty promises come from this mouth. If I truly want change and I truly want to turn my life around, you will see my actions. The good Lord has cut me open and revealed the inner workings of my heart to me- when He does this to you, do not attempt to understand at first and to tell Him that you know already. For once, just fall to your knees and say nothing. Let the full reality of what you have done sink in, down deep to your toes. Let it curdle in your stomach. Let it take your breath away like a punch to the solar plexus. Don't say a word. Just do it. Please.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGMG_PVaJoI WATCH THIS.